Here I am again

I have nothing to say and yet I feel that I should say something. Not only that, but I feel like I should DO something. I want action, but have no plan. I want a plan, but have no thought. The cycle continues. There is so much being created every minute by so many people. Most of it is crap, but at least it went from thought to production. And then by having so much crap produced, I find myself giving people credit they don't deserve. Just for making the crap, I feel I owe them a clap of my hands. Why? I don't want to be a producer of crap, nor do I want to give a high five to crap just because its created. So where does that leave me? I guess it puts the responisiblity on me to create something worth while and be proud of that thing, even if it is just that one thing. But again, where do I start? Is it a thought? A phrase? A point of view? A fresh perspective? What? What? What? Maybe I will figure it out when its a decent hour and I am not aggitated by copious amounts of caffine.

I need to rely on ships that float.

Relationships tend to stir up negativity in my brain. The concept of a
relationship is great. To me, it is the best agreement you can have
with an individual: you provide me with the affection and attention
that I can't get anywhere else, and I will give you the same, because
I love you. Hopefully this will last long enough where you and I can
create a family and we can pass on our relationship through our blood.

It sounds nice and plausable, however, I get thoughts that echo
unrealiztic, idealistic and childish. My second reaction is to ask
why, and then I ask another question: does my act of questioning
reveal my childness.

I am in a relationship now. It works. It is working. The plan between
the both of us is to keep it working. It is a reasonable agreement
between the two of us, and I enjoy the company, affection, insight and
reflection that she brings to the table.

Having these great qualities tbat she has, my negativity does not come
from her actions or even her words, the negativity comes from
uncertainty. The uncertainty comes from my history and my past
experiences, not to mention all the negative habits and traits that
humans are instinctivly drawn to.

I think about the future and wonder how in the world I am going to
keep my family safe and together in a world that is built, almost
designed, to fall apart.

Sent from my iPhone